tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-194516052024-03-13T23:18:34.968-07:00zonked yakthe yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.comBlogger42125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-60570816682749327922006-11-15T03:39:00.000-08:002006-11-15T04:18:30.425-08:00The ultimate business idea<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/3797/2374/1600/fire.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger2/3797/2374/200/fire.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>It's difficult to get employed when you walk on all fours and smell like a dog's blanket. For this reason I often give thought to entrepreneurial ideas. What is the great idea that would elevate me from Regular Yak to <span style="color: rgb(51, 204, 255);font-family:lucida grande;font-size:130%;" >Yak Diddy</span>? How will I be able to afford my ticket on <a href="http://www.virgingalactic.com/">Virgin Galactic</a>?<br /><br />You see, I've always thought that you need to be selling something that everyone enjoys. So let me begin by using myself as the sample market. Here's a list of some awesome things that make me happy:<br /><br />I enjoy<br /><ul><li>Lying in bed all day</li><li>Beer</li><li>Beautiful women (with whom I can lie in bed)<br /></li><li>Holidays (during which I can lie in bed all day)</li><li>Fireplaces</li><li>Big screens and free fast Wi-Fi connections</li><li>Beautiful places</li><li>Sport (most, including lying in bed marathons)</li></ul>It seems to me the answer is obvious. I reckon everyone enjoys most of the abovementioned things. So we should start something that incorporates them all!<br /><br /><ul><li>A bar (with a view, to include the beautiful places);</li><li>with fireplaces and big screens with free Wi-Fi connections;</li><li>that is frequented by beautiful women</li><li>where you can bring your own bed and plonk it down somewhere for the day.</li></ul>I shall call it (said with the tone and enunciation of Dr Evil)... B&B&amp;amp;B&B&B! (Bed & babes & beer & bigscreens & burning shit) Now there's a five star rating.<br /><br />We'd obviously need some kind of bed delivery service, and a stock of <a href="http://www.maties.com/">Matie</a> First Year Maidens somewhere in a storeroom in case the other babes didn't pitch. By locking them up we can also help prevent them from eating too many pies. This would count as community service, and help us get NGO funding.<br /><br />Foolproof. Or for fools. Either way, we have a captive market.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Update:</span> Turns out someone already had a bloody similar idea! <a href="http://beta.blogger.com/www.bedmiami.com">B.E.D.</a> is one of Miami and America's top-rated nightspots, and serves drinks and food to you in beds with plush pillows! Looks like it would attract some babes too.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com42tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1163506364836523902006-11-14T04:12:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:14.317-08:00<b>This is not a blog post, but it would work on me</b><br /><object width="425" height="350"><param name="movie" value="http://youtube.com/v/fI179GqNTWg"></param><embed src="http://youtube.com/v/fI179GqNTWg" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350"></embed></object><br>I don't care if you hate Coldplay, check out this ad for CineMax's screening of all 6 Star Wars movies. The lyrics of "Fix You" match up tear-jerkingly to the classic Star Wars moments. I just might have to do a yakky-bakky fest myself on the weekend.<br /><br />No, seriously, don't you think this would make you go watch it (if you ware a geeky, star wars addicted member of the target market, of course...)the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1163501183675554472006-11-14T02:39:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:14.252-08:00Travel to Machu Piccu on your chair<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/machu_piccu.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/machu_piccu.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Wow. What a terrible heading. What a shocking attempt. But I had to post something. It really frustrates me when I don't get time to post to this site, especially as so many humans are suddenly interested in the thoughts of the yak population. But just because it's cool, and you probably haven't been there, check out this amazing ... hmm, no idea what you call it. It's a sort of Google Earth meets mass collage photography effort of the incredible town of Machu Piccu, hidden in the Andes. The picture I've posted here should give you an idea as to its location. Photographer Scott Howard really takes you there with <a href="http://www.docbert.org/MP/">this incredible effort</a>.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1163154171570018962006-11-10T02:19:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:14.178-08:00Weekend hapiness - Spiderman 3 trailerI'll keep it short, because I know no-one wants to hear what I have to say compared to the utter super-coolosity of this. You actually catch a glimpse of Venom! I might actually say something, but only once my geekgasm subsides.<br /><br /><embed src="http://www.ifilm.com/efp" quality="high" bgcolor="000000" name="efp" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" pluginspage="http://www.macromedia.com/go/getflashplayer" flashvars="flvbaseclip=2783985&" align="middle" height="365" width="448"></embed>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1163078490876618632006-11-09T04:40:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:14.062-08:00Politics of the Garden Gnome LIberation Front<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/gnome.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/gnome.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>With the US election just about run, the Yak is very disappointed that among all the debates and discussions around the big issues of economics, Iraq (Eye-rack), terrorism, and science, no-one among the elctorate brought argument for the little people. And by this I mean the opressed, the prisoners, the people who can't speak for themselves. Gitmo is one thing, but what about the Garden Gnomes?<br /><br />For years they have been misunderstood, misrepresented, and often misplaced by drunken students. Finally, people are coming to the fore to stand up for the rights of others. That, after all, is what real democracy is - protecting the rights of minorities.<br /><br />It is therefore imperative, that no matter where you find yourself, you stand up for the rights of these woodland creatures, and help put an end to the rampant slave trading occuring throughout the world.<br /><br />For information on how you can become involved, the following sites could be relevant:<br /><br /><a href="http://membres.lycos.fr/flnj/"><b>Front de Libération des Nains de Jardin</b> (<b>FLNJ</b>)</a> - The international originators of the movement, based in France<br /><a href="http://www.malag.it"><b>Movimento Autonomo per la Liberazione delle Anime da Giardino</b> (<b>MALAG</b>)</a> - AN Italian organisation. More fundamentalist than the others, believing that the gnome's spirits are held captive in porcelain sacofogi, which should be broken to free the spirit.<br /><a href="http://www.freethegnomes.com"><b>Freethegnomes.com</b></a> - A very active American organisation aiming to prevent gnome slave trafficking in the states, and liberate existing captured Gnomes.<br /><br />Help stop the oppression, slavery, and meaningless use of Gnomes as ornamentation without compensation or consent.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com17tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162980640840626882006-11-08T01:46:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.969-08:00Is Big Bird dead?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/38787EE4-E860-4A81-9EE6-325D40D8DDA7.3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/38787EE4-E860-4A81-9EE6-325D40D8DDA7.2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />These images (click 'em, they get bigger!) were snapped on the coast of Russia (in Sakhalin, near Japan) by a couple of passers by. It is said that the creature was then taken by the Russian special services for further investigation, and it is as yet, still unidentified.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/25853A0E-E70A-482A-87D2-31360A3EB862.1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/25853A0E-E70A-482A-87D2-31360A3EB862.0.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Just as well we got these pictures, or else we might have never known. The Yak thinks there's no point in being polite, and it's time to let the cat out of the bag: <span style="font-weight: bold;">Big Bird is clearly dead</span>.<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/11E03847-A64E-4C2F-8D79-21F7BA12434E.2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/11E03847-A64E-4C2F-8D79-21F7BA12434E.1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />This thing is not a fish, looking at the bones. It's also not an alligator or reptile - it has skin and hair or feathers. It is time to let the world know that the beloved creature (and the only Sesame Street dude to feature on the cover of Sports Illustrated) has passed away.<br /><br />We can only speculate as to the cause of this magical creature's death. Evidence collected by the yak however tells an alarming tale:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/bigbird.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/bigbird.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Someone let the beloved bird go to China to film this documentary! We can only conclude that Bird Flu (more specifically Big bird flu) was the obvious cause of the creature who taught people how to be inquisitive's death.<br /><br />Our condolences go out to Snuffy, unless of course he really was imaginary, in which case the obvious pun is just too sad to make.<br /><br /><span style="font-size:85%;">Images apparently via the legendary <a href="http://www.englishrussia.com">Englishrussia.com</a></span>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com155tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162971323378796052006-11-07T23:10:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.857-08:00A lesson from art - everyday fun experiencesThe turbine room in London's Tate Modern is one of the features of the building that has in the past received the most schtick. It's big. Too big, many say, for anything to use the space well. The current installation there has given me more to think about than I could try to write down in a brief post, but I would still like to share the thought with you.<br /><br />Currently Carsten Höller is the artist who has the massive turbine room space at his disposal. He's made these massive slides:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/01tate_CA1.600.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/01tate_CA1.600.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />What's interesting about them is not their use of the space (which isn't bad, I guess), but the stress and fun (or better phrased, "simultaneous delight and anxiety") of both watching people slide, or actually sliding through them. They're popular enough that I had to go back there a second time (mornings are best) just to get a spot on the one from the 5th floor.<br /><br />Wouldn't it be great if things like these were installed all around towns and cities? What would life be like if we could slide around like that every day? I think it's a bit of a reminder to have some fun (or at the very least give yourself a little scare) every day. Much like the people in the famed London Red Bull headquarters must do with this one below...<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/redbull.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/redbull.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>So anyway, I slid down the gullet of the dune worm sculpture, ignoring its phallic properties. I felt envigorated. Much like a jog, or a walk in the mountain, but with a better more interesting twist. Someone once said that you should do something every day that scares you. This is a minor version. There are hundreds of carrot-up-the-rump people I know who would probably be a heck of a lot cooler if they had to slide to work every day.<br /><br />**<span style="font-size:85%;">To slide off the slides in the Modern is free, but to go off the level 3 and 5 slides you need a timed ticket, available in the gallery. They're valid for the time on them, and allow you to slide once. Oh, and no, they don't let you go head first.<br /><br />**Holler is known for his interactive art, such as </span><span style="font-size:85%;"><span style="font-style: italic;">Flying Machine </span></span><span style="font-size:85%;">that hoisted people through the air and <span style="font-style: italic;">Upside Down Goggles</span> that well, modify vision, shall we say.<br /></span>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162968342974168462006-11-07T22:30:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.292-08:00How to blog for money?<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/9000%20hits.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/9000%20hits.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>I was going to say it's my genius, and gloat. But people in a different time zone clearly like Sudoku. Those 9000 hits were in just nine hours. That's of course what I think is weird. Not the number. That happens every day.<br /><br />So for those of you writing for money and hits, your energies have been misdirected. Ignore breasts and biceps and bountiful blondes, and shove in some seriously sneaky sudoku, and you're set to sip pina colada's while your adsense revenues pay the mortgage and wash your car.<br /><br />A gift from the yak population.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">Update:</span> Scratch that thought. It turns out people are more interested in big bird:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/41000.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/41000.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162902452964094102006-11-07T04:18:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.221-08:00World's hardest Sudoku puzzle: AL EscargotIt's times like these that the internet makes me most happy. When <a href="http://www.mg.co.za">respectable online publications</a> publish entertaining and interesting stories about the world's hardest Sudoku puzzle, you'd at least expect them to give you a link to it, or a picture of it. Oh, yes, you guessed it. They don't. But I couldn't find it anywhere! So I undustriously hunted, and eventually found the secret formula hidden away in an ASCII-like tomb of Sudoku knowledge. And now, for the first time in propper format, and luckily without any further ado (read the real reporter's background <a href="http://www.mg.co.za/articlepage.aspx?area=/breaking_news/other_news/&articleid=289092">here</a>), I give you AL Escargot, the hardest rated Sudoku puzzle to date:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/Al%20escargot.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/Al%20escargot.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com453tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162899533521381052006-11-07T03:22:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.146-08:00Measuring beautyThis picture is a recent addition to the soft porn that is trickling into my mailbox in honour of the "win a case of beer" contest started last month. Many of the entries are asking how a yak can objectively (or for that matter subjectively) judge the beauty of human competitors. I've given it a bit of thought, and have had to resort to getting scientific:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/tsilivi%20greece.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/tsilivi%20greece.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>If we were to judge the beauty of people out of 10 it would be exceedingly difficult without some kind of benchmark. Because we didn't feel like dabbling in the Ugly Things scale, we started at the top. The ultimate in human beauty, of course, was Helen of Troy. So she'd have to, on a scale of 1 to 10, be as close to a 10 as possible. (We also couldn't use high level binary programming for this, because then even she'd be a 2.)<br /><br />So using the Troy system of calculation, one <span style="font-style: italic;">millihelen</span> would be the ammount of beauty requred to launch ONE ship. A millihelen would equate to roughly 0.0010986 units of natural beauty. A <span style="font-style: italic;">microhelen</span> would be the ammount of beauty required to motivate one sailor.<br /><br />Err, I hope that answers all your questions. In short, I'll be using this system to allocate points for the one I THINK is the hottest. We take it from there. Ok bye.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162844609351461042006-11-06T12:13:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.077-08:00The Yak blogs after being possessed by the ghost of right-wing US republican senator<span class="style10">I leave the internet for a couple of days, and what happens!? After four years of justly convicting Guantanamo prisoners of classified crimes before a fair and impartial kangaroo court of their peers, <a href="http://www.scotusblog.com/movabletype/archives/2006/06/hamdan_summary.html">a power-mad US Supreme Court</a> has ruled that the military tribunals at Gitmo are "illegal" and that the president has to "obey the law." Well this is just the kind of dangerous radicalism that leads to fascism and human rights! What are they going to do with these people, try them in actual <em>courtrooms</em> with lawyers, juries and "evidence"? That way lies madness - or worse, democracy! If the US gives her enemies actual rights they'll turn the deadly power of the justice system against them, smuggling weaponized due process into American cities, crashing the Fifth Amendment into skyscrapers, setting off radiological writs of habeas corpus in Times Square!<br /><br />And how are we going to fight the terrorists in the first place with our military tied up in bureaucratic red tape like the "Geneva Conventions" and the "Bill of Rights"? We can't give up our right to torture people while the <em>enemy's</em> still torturing people - that's unilateral disarmament in the torture race! We've already got an atrocity gap here, people! Oh sure, we're doing alright with our cutting-edge waterboarding, hypothermia and "beat them to death" programs, but we'll never catch up in this fight if we don't get access to their top secret beheading technology! It's a simple question of action and response. When they blow up a mosque, we massacre a village! When they chop off someone's head, we send someone else off to Uzbekistan to get boiled alive! That's the GWOT way! But none of these vital tools will be at our disposal if we've got activist judges shutting down our Pentagon torture programs and our secret CIA prisons and our crack commando baby-rape squads!<br /><br />That's why George W. Bush has to take this case to the <em>highester</em> court in the land: the court of George W. Bush. It's a tough bench alright, but Bush can win this one as long as he exercises his constitutional right to ignore the Constitution. The <a href="http://balkin.blogspot.com/2006/07/airtight-logic.html">legal technicalities</a> are <a href="http://www.slate.com/id/2145592/?nav=fix">pretty complicated</a> but I believe it involves filing a writ of la di da di doo da according to the precedent of <em>I Can't Hear You v. I'm Not Listening.</em> Only then can the forces of freedom protect America from the hordes of Democrofascists that would menace her with their savage civil liberties!<br /><br />God bless America.<br /></span>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162555519843181532006-11-03T03:37:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:13.004-08:00Charlize Theron wants you to masturbate, and Johnson & Johnson recommend deathI'm confused. Again. You humans are weird. Please, someone, anyone, tell me how this advert is supposed to encourage abstinence:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/abstinence-is-way-sexy.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/abstinence-is-way-sexy.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><ul><li>Maybe Charlize wants all hot-blooded teens to furiously masturbate themselves half to death, thus losing any urge they might have had to hump pre-maritally.</li><li>Maybe we're supposed to realize that Charlize's legs don't fit into the ideal ratio of 1.55 thigh to 1 calf (as some yak with too much time on his hands discovered <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/creating-ultimate-human-female.html">here</a>), and if you abstain, you might find the PERFECT woman</li><li>Err, emm, aw stuff it, can't think of any. But I certainly won't be going to the teens-4-christ website if I really wanted to abstain, just in case they throw another couple of half-naked legs-spread randy-looking porno pics of gorgeous women at me.<br /></li></ul>While we're on abstention, prophylactics <a href="http://chump-style.blogspot.com/2006/11/new-quick-n-easy-shower-cap.html">have</a> <a href="http://www.joblog.co.za/2006/11/pronto-condoms">come</a> <a href="http://www.cherryflava.com/cherryflava/2006/11/manto_now_promo.html">to</a> <a href="http://allscrubbedup.blogspot.com/2006/11/manto-watch-condom-crusader.html">the</a> <a href="http://www.colinseymour.co.uk/archives/2006/11/01/pronto-pronto/">blogging</a> <a href="http://pigss.multiply.com/links/item/7">world</a> recently, with the launch of South Africa's new easy-to-pop-on condom brand <a href="http://www.prontocondoms.co.za/index.htm">pronto</a>. Not to be outdone, <span style="font-weight: bold;">Johnson & Johnson</span> have revealed the secret to their female contaceptive patch, <span style="font-style: italic;">Ortho Evra</span>: <a href="http://www.lawyersandsettlements.com/articles/ortho_evra_sued.html?ref=article">it kills you</a>, thereby completely reducing the risk of pregancy. Now why didn't we think of that...the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162482168990725812006-11-02T07:22:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:12.934-08:00Win a Case of Cobra Beer - The entries start coming inOk, so it's been winter. And because of that, I'll forgive you. Even the yak ladies (<span style="font-style: italic;">dri</span> or <span style="font-style: italic;">nak</span>) have grown some ultra-thick fur over the winter. But as my inbox reveals, the stalkers are out! It's time to behave like paparazzi, and <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/10/win-case-of-cobra-beer.html">snap some pictures of sexy people for a free case of beer</a>!<br /><br />Just to inspire you, here are some of the leaders so far:<br /><br /><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/bum.jpg" alt="" border="0" />An exceptional sample. And so incredibly seedy. Snapping a woman like that. So unasuming. So naive. So goddam sexy. Not even from the front, but definitely a frontrunner!<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/lauren.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/lauren.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Some dude even got his girlfriend to pose for this one by the looks of it... "Honey, it's fine, no-one's going to see it. No, it's just for me to look at when I miss you..." Well, him and the rest of humanity searching for HOT BABE BIKINI TITS ASS FACIAL. Well, now, anyway... (Sorry J.)<br /><br />And of course, my personal favourite:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/yaks.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/yaks.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>What? Yes, I know. But I like mine hairy. Really. They look ridiculous shaved.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162460159617649192006-11-02T01:17:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:12.868-08:00Told you so: Cape Town 2010 stadium to be built on Golf Course<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/metropolitan-pic.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/metropolitan-pic.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>If there's one thing us Yaks dig, it's gloating. And what better opportunity than the front page of yesterday's Cape Times, which in large, terrifying letters points out the horrible revelation that Cape Town's 2010 Soccer "<a href="http://www.capetimes.co.za/index.php?fArticleId=3514735">World Cup Stadium to be built on golf course</a>"!<br /><br />If only the reporters of this illustrious and well-respected paper kept up with their <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/how-to-make-r25-billion-solving-south.html">Zonked Yak reading</a> (dated 26 September)they would have known this a long time ago. (Plus they would have been able to make R2.5 Billion, but that's a different point altogether...)<br /><br /><a href="http://www.joblog.co.za/2006/10/todays-paper">Not the first time the bloggers have beaten the papers by months</a>...the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1162458981224231252006-11-02T01:03:00.000-08:002006-11-15T01:12:12.790-08:00Nelson Mandela Wins Top Human Rights Award... or does he? Amnesty BOO BOOThey tell us the Amnesty International Ambassador of Conscience Award is a big deal. They would let you believe that it is "their most prestigious honour". It's in all the world's newspapers, so it must be quite important. You'd think then, that the high profile people in charge of choosing and awarding this wonderful honour <span style="font-weight: bold;">WOULD SPELL THE RECIPIENT'S FUCKING NAME RIGHT!</span><br /><br />Please, behold this beautiful image of Nelson Mandela with his award, as kindly donated to the Yak by REUTERS:<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/rolihlalha.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/rolihlalha.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><span style="font-style: italic;">Happy Madiba with his namesake's award</span><br /><br /><div style="text-align: left;">Ok, so it's subtle, but it's still bloody WRONG!<br /><br />The former South African president's name is Nelson Rolihlahla Mandela, NOT Rolihla<span style="font-weight: bold;">lh</span>a. Big deal, you say. But you tell me how great you feel every time you get a certificate with someone else's name on it, or they leave out the umlaut on your u...<br /><br />We feel your pain Madiba. And now we share in it.<br /></div></div>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1160135271886721292006-10-06T04:39:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.712-08:00The problem with blogging. Yak freelance.Hey. I've figured it out. The problem with blogging. <br /><br />It's that you have to blog. Now being a yak is my full time occupation, and that can get in the way. Sometimes when the snowy season starts, I have to forage. Sometimes I have to tend to the randier yak ladies in their times of need. My tribe needs me (only humans and dolphins mate for pleasure, remember).<br /><br />So while I wanted this to be a fun site to share some of the stranger thoughts that go through my un-human head (if only to lay the claim that I possess the world's oldest hamburger), it's not possible for me to update as regularly as I would like to. That sucks. And as a result of that, I think the site sucks.<br /><br />Anyway, if you feel like having a yak guest blogger on your site, let me know and I'll happily take on a team effort. Otherwise, it could be a while.<br /><br />X.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159970480938774352006-10-04T06:41:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.641-08:00Exciting times! The world's oldest hamburger?Things are getting too exciting here for the Yak to handle!<br /><br />Firstly, and definitely most importantly, we have thus far found no links/information to dispute the fact that we are possibly in possession of the WORLD'S OLDEST (MCDONALDS) HAMBURGER! (really, see post <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/10/oldest-mcdonalds-burger-alive-today-or.html">here</a>)<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/logo.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/logo.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><span style="font-style: italic;font-size:85%;" >Glory awaits the burger?</span><br /></div><br />The question, of course, becomes what to do about it! We'll be approaching Guinness in order to attempt to verify our claim, but we have no idea how far hamburger ageing technology has advanced over the years. Will they take our words for it? (Billy's Mom never lies)<br /><br />If you have any information relating to dating things or the age of old burgers, or of course, if you just feel like <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/10/win-case-of-cobra-beer.html">winning a case of beer</a>, contact us asap!!!<br /><br />Then, just to make our day, and on the verge of us announcing the winner of the best abs in the world <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/creating-ultimate-woman-part-two.html">segment of our investigation</a> into what the internet man thinks is hot in his woman, (wow, take breath in long sentence here) we get mailed our first entry into the COBRA <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/10/win-case-of-cobra-beer.html">win a case of beer</a> contest! The yak loves you all for making his day. But above all, the yak loves the burger.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com21tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159968074844890492006-10-04T04:38:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.571-08:00Win a case of Cobra Beer!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/cobra.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/cobra.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Yes, you read right. Free beer! (But in order to claim your beer, you have to do two things:)<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">1.</span> Take a picture of someone hot. <a href="mailto:zonkedyak@gmail.com">Send it to the yak</a>. We don't mind if you're a stalker, a creep, or just keen for beer. Hottest goes to the top of the pile.<br /><br /><span style="font-weight: bold;">2.</span>The top ten people who stalked the ten hottest individuals (sick, sick people) will then get the opportunity to submit ideas for the NEXT win a case of beer competition. Best idea gets the case.<br /><br />It's that simple. Now start stalking! Then, once again for clarity, mail your pictures <a href="mailto:zonkedyak@gmail.com">here</a>.<br /><br />Oh, I suppose you're all looking for some inspiration. Ok, we either want them looking like this:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/yak.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/yak.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Or, if you really must, something like this would do just fine too:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/dames.png"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/dames.png" alt="" border="0" /></a>Ok, what are you waiting for? Your beer awaits.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159891668494939762006-10-03T08:43:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.493-08:00Working yak, some vaguely interesting economics linksOk, so besides being a celerity blogger, I too have to earn a living. I therefore have nothing but work-related goeters to offer you. Here are some I thought might be interesting to the general public:<br /><br /><ul><li>Two economists have studied traffic violations at the UN. This is very boring, until you realize that diplomats are not fined for their traffic violations, being, as such, above the law. While corruption is hard to define, it comes across as a clear indicator both of cultural difference and the corruption of government. Kuwait tops the list with <span style="font-weight: bold;">246</span>(!) violations per diplomat. South Africa clocks in at <span style="font-weight: bold;">34</span>, and nice developed countries such as Canada, Sweden, Isreal, Norway and Denmark all have none. See the full paper <a href="http://www.nber.org/papers/w12312">here</a></li><br /><li>In South Africa the debate regarding minimum wage as a tool to alleviate poverty is always a big one. David Neumark is a prominent critic of the minimum wage. Read his latest study <a href="http://showmeinstitute.org/smi_study_2.pdf">here</a>, and never be left in the dark when would-be intellectuals try to take you on at the dinner table.</li></ul><br />Ok, that's all for now. Must go make millions. Sorry for being boring.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159787634915774602006-10-02T03:39:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.420-08:00The oldest McDonald's burger alive today? (Or the story of the burger who thought he could)<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/IMG_0972.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/IMG_0972.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>This wonderful piece of photography not only shows off how the marketers and engineers at Sony still can't design camera's for individuals with hooves, but what you see before you is a miracle of modern-day food engineering. <span style="font-weight: bold;">This McDonalds' cheeseburger is more than 5 years old!</span><br /><br />No, really. It belongs to a friend of the yak, who like all good birthday boys felt the urge to indulge in culinary delicacy in the early hours of his birthmorn. The incredible desire to sleep overwhelmed him, and he forgot about (some of) his burgers. The following morning, he did what all good students do, and scoffed the lot. But one remained hidden in the uncharted recesses of his bedroom. Only to be discovered by our underpaid and abused slave Doris in the week.<br /><br />What else do you do with such a discovery but give it a place of honour. And so, it was given a small shrine, and still exists. And it's fine. Just a bit crunchy. But I doubt there's anything wrong with it that a microwave and a bit of tabasco can't fix.<br /><br />Yummy.<br /><br />Of course, the option of putting it up on E-bay and having Goldenpalace.com buy it for gazillions has crossed our minds. But some things are bigger than money. Bigger than the fame, and the prestige. Plus, having it around has kinda helped the waistline. Magical properties, I tells ya.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com49tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159441514017666242006-09-28T03:57:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.358-08:00If you read something today, make it thisA <a href="http://uncyclopedia.org/wiki/Cape_Town">history of Cape town</a> unlike any you've read before. Respek.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159440341332103502006-09-28T03:24:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.292-08:00Creating the ultimate woman PART TWO, THE STOMACH<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/stomach.0.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/stomach.0.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><p>Today, the yak will come even closer to understanding mankind, as we bring you the results of the second part of our investigation into creating the ultimate human female.<br /></p><p>Using only the most scientific yak methods we intend to find out what it is that you humans like in your women. Thus far we had success using the top 50 results for varying Google searches to determine our sample from which to deduce what it was that society found sexy.</p><p>(See our entry on legs <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/creating-ultimate-human-female.html">here</a>, with the winner of the best legs <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/creating-ultimate-woman-winner-part.html">here</a>)<br /></p><p>Hunting for the perfect stomach has proved much more elusive than finding the perfect legs. Google searches reveal very little in the way of lists of schlebs with sexy stomachs and hot abs. There were some results, but nothing to give us a real hint of what public opinion determines to be the sexiest stomach in the world. We still used internet searches to determine popularity, but this time had to deal with a data pool of over 700 women, mostly unknown.</p><p>Our hypothesys therefore was simple. We started with the male god of women, Hef:<br /><br /><em style="font-weight: bold;">1. The waist, and it's relation to the hips</em><br /><br />A study of recent Playboy Playmates of the month reveals some details about women that men consider sexy: they have an average waist of 23 inches, average hips of 32 inches, and therefore a hips to waist ration of 1.33:1. And no, no boobies yet.<br /></p><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/playmateabs.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/playmateabs.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br /><p>Looking at the abs of a standard playmate (yes, they do actually all look alike), some definition is revealed, particularly on the sides of the stomach. Most playmates have some definition, be it on the sides or a more defined line down the middle of the stomach. This is also their only means of communication.<br /></p><p style="font-weight: bold;"><em>2. Fat percentage</em></p><p>Sexy stomachs are quite defined, but the web reveals that men like their woman to look shapely rather than ripped. This image, for example, illustrates a fantastic set of abdominals, but falls short of being sexy to most men:</p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/toomuch.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/toomuch.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p>A fat percentage (strangely akin to that of our previous study of sexy female legs) of between 16 and 23 percent is deemed to be within the sexy range. Anything less is just scary, anything more can be improved.</p><p style="font-weight: bold;"><em>3. The ribs</em></p><p>Ribs can be prominent regardless of fat levels, and often make an appearnce on sexy pics. While too much rib falls in the same category as the ripped women, a nice showing of ribs is not necesaarily offputting:</p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/ribs.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/ribs.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p>A fine balance beteen skininess and muscularity seems to be your ideal, which should result in the beach babe bod which is the favourite fantasy:</p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/beachabs.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/beachabs.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p style="font-weight: bold;"><em>4. General observations</em></p><ul><li>Tatoos are ok, but not necessarily desirable. They deract from the finer details of a good set of abs.</li><li>Belly rings make regular appearances, and occur in 50% of the women men seem to think are sexy.</li><li>Pregnancy makes little or no difference to the stomach's potential to be rated sexy again</li></ul><p>In honour of our generous sponsors, we'll build incredible tension, and reveal the winner with our next installment!<br /></p><p><em></em></p>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159352058482981232006-09-27T02:46:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.217-08:00Perfumes and the Diddy DawgFor the record, I don't wear cologne. I have a rich, natural musk that attracts females and scares away flies. I do however, believe it or not, know someone in the fragrance industry. Ok, so she works behind the perfume counter in Edgars, but she's an expert. And always trying to get me to smell like some abstract concept: <span style="font-style: italic;">Truth. Be. Eternity.</span> (No really, and those are just the ones by CK.)<br /><br />So, anyway, yesterday I came across a new bottle on the shelves, one by none other than America's Sean (John, Puffy, P. Diddy, Diddy) Combs. I spray the testers on myself so my musk doesn't scare people at the coffee shop.<br /><br />Now the Diddy's latest offering (and the number one seller in the US!) is called <span style="font-style: italic;">Unforgivable</span>. Like the Diddy, it's aggressive, black, and covered in gold:<br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/P135301_hero.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/320/P135301_hero.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>The beauty of the product, however, is it's slogan.<br /><br />"<span style="font-style: italic;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">Living life without passion is UNFORGIVABLE</span></span>"<br /><br />I almost feel like saying that again.<br /><br />Are you telling me this escaped the million dollar executives who must have been in charge of the advertising campaign? Is Diddy so vain that he came up with it himself and every copywriter in the building was too scared to point out the obvious to him? Your product IS living life without passion!? Wow.<br /><br />Next time, I'll just rather have CK have me smell like immortality. Or maybe bestiality.the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159349413879270332006-09-27T02:19:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.156-08:00Creating the ultimate woman, WINNER, PART ONE: THE BEST LEGS IN THE WORLDOur hunt to construct the ultimate human female is going places!<br /><br />Following our own hypothesis set out <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/creating-ultimate-human-female.html">yesterday</a> we have found the woman with the best legs in the world. These legs adhere to all the <a href="http://zonkedyak.blogspot.com/2006/09/creating-ultimate-human-female.html">rules and ratio's we found</a> that men desire, and in addition, we could find enough photographic angles and images of this particular set of legs to maybe possibly perhaps one day be able to splice them on to the other body parts we will find later in this investigation, and photoshop the perfect woman.<br /><br />But so, without further ado, the best legs in the world belong to (no surprises here) JESSICA SIMPSON:<br /><br /><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/winnerlegs.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/400/winnerlegs.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Not bad. Not bad at all. Our insights into the male mind continue to grow. Next, we examine<br /><br />the stomach!the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-19451605.post-1159279734193600802006-09-26T06:27:00.000-07:002006-11-15T01:12:12.084-08:00Creating the ultimate human female<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/cyborg.jpg"><img style="margin: 0pt 10px 10px 0pt; float: left; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/cyborg.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a>Make no mistake, us yaks find human women attractive. Especially those with a decent ammount of body hair.<br /><br />The internet has however given us access to unlimited hotness, and pictures of things of great beauty. As an ongoing project in order to determine what it is that men find sexy, we have decided to partake in a little unscientific experimentation, to attempt to judge what it is that men find attractive in women. To make this process more fun, we'll take it body part by body part, and eventually hopefully be able to create the perfect female form.<br /><br />So without further ado, let's hop to it. Join us, as we examine just what it is that men seem to like about<br /><br /><div style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-weight: bold;">THE LEGS<br /><br /></span></div><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/wyatt.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/wyatt.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><br />Part one of constructing the ultimate woman. It starts. (Insert manic laughter here)<br /><br />Because our opinion doesn't really count, and we want this to be a popular consensus, our method entailed a couple of Google searches for things such as "best legs" and "sexiest legs" etc. If you do one of them yourself you'll see the results are massive. Only looking at the top 50 (not too horribly frighteningly pornographic) results, and using only the top 10 of each link, we managed to get a population sample from which to draw our legs.<br /><br />As a diversion, we found a lovely article (<a href="http://www.ezilon.com/information/article_10874.shtml">http://www.ezilon.com/information/article_10874.shtml</a>) on "How to get sexy legs in just three steps". It's amazing how easy it is! The three amazing steps are<br /><ol><li>Tone your legs</li><li>Wax your legs</li><li>Flaunt your smooth, well toned legs</li></ol><p>As easy as that. Amazing. I bet the author Janice Wee gets paid ten times the annual GDP of South Africa as well.</p><p>And with that on to the construction of our ultimate woman...</p><p>Oggling images of sexy legs is easy (very easy). Surprisingly, analysing them was just as easy. We have found the following relations in our results, which applied universally to ALL the hottest women/leg pairings, and will illustrate by way of example, using the rather fantastic legs of random spotting Chrissa Boyle:</p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/chrissaboyle.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/chrissaboyle.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p style="text-align: center;">(yes, you can click on her for a larger image)</p><p>We found the following rules apply universally to all the hot legs on the net, from Maria Sharapova to Nicole Kidman.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><em><strong>1. Length of legs in relation to length of body</strong></em></p><div style="text-align: left;"><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/length1.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/length1.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a></div><p style="text-align: left;">The subjects (objects) all had an upper body length to leg length ratio of 1.1 to 1. We honestly have no idea what this means, but it does seem to indicate that women with legs up to their armpits generally have shapeless carrot legs.</p><p style="text-align: center;"><em><strong>2. Calf width in relation to ankle width</strong></em></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/length2.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/length2.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p>The women humans regard as having sexy hot gorgeous legs all have somewhat muscular calves. While the definition varies, and the muscularity varies largely, all the subjects have a calf to ankle ratio of 3 to 1!</p><p style="text-align: center;"><strong><em>3. Thigh width in relation to calf width</em></strong></p><a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/1600/length3.jpg"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; display: block; text-align: center; cursor: pointer;" src="http://photos1.blogger.com/blogger/3235/1499/200/length3.jpg" alt="" border="0" /></a><p>Babely legs have a thigh that is 1.55 times the width of the calf in cross section. This taken along with the observed sexiness of more muscular calves, makes the preferance for somewhat defined and muscular legs, rather than boney ones.</p><p><strong><em>4. Other observations</em></strong></p><p>We tried and tested many other measurements and relation, but none of them revealed any common ground in the legs of the sample population. The following observations are however pertinent:</p><ul><li>Judging by the average build, as well as numerous images studied of naked and half naked pictures of these women (all in the interests of science), a fat percentage of between 16 and 26% is present in women with truly hot legs.</li><li>"The Gap" between the legs up top does not seem to be considered sexy. If there is one, it should be slight, and not create the appearance of having ridden a horse since birth.</li><li>Scars on the knees are not a bad thing. 67% of our sample population had some visible scarring on the knees.</li></ul><p>So the science is complete, now who fits the profile...</p><p>Some examples...</p><p>While <strong>Sharon Stone</strong> topped a poll (<a href="http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-09/01/content_370762.htm">http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/english/doc/2004-09/01/content_370762.htm</a>) to determine the sexiest leg moment is cinema history, we put that down to the fact that she showed some fur. Her calves are undefined by international standards, and miss out on the 3 to 1 ratio.</p><p><strong>Ana Hickman </strong>had to be counted in, especially as she supposedly has the guiness record for the model with the longest legs. When it came to the measurements she both had a big gap between her things, and showed serious lack of calf and thigh definition, missing both our cuts (and of course, the 1.1:1 length ratio).</p><p>The hunt has been long and hard. A couple celebrities made the original cut, but lost points either because they don't have enough material on the web, or slight flaws in definition and tan levels.</p><p>In the interests of doing thorough research, and of course to keep our sponsors happy, </p><p>the winner will be revealed in our next installment, as we move up from the legs...</p>the yakhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18109683136132548448noreply@blogger.com123