Zonked Yak
YAKNESS

I'm The Yak

I, unlike cows, GRUNT, rather than MOO

Yaks have horns, and long shaggy hair. "The word Yak is also used to describe an irritating or disagreeable individual" - Wikipedia


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    Welcome to Zonked Yak where yak is, well, generally zonked. Oh, move your cursor over my balls to make cyber yaklings

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    Yak well hung. And the theory of perpetual motion. Also a solution to ESCOM's woes. And how UFO's work. Wow.


    The nice thing about being a yak is that you're always on holiday. When I was growing up I thought to myself that I want a job where people pay me just to be me. So I became a yak. We're protected. You should really try it. It's not as lucrative as other options (cows in Germany, for example, earn 3 Euro's a day, just for being cows. Gotta love state agriculture subsidies), but the more well paid animal jobs tend to end you up slaughtered. Or at the very least violated (imagine being milked daily). Plus not good for the family unit.

    One of the down sides of being on a permanent holiday is that you can't permanently make good and viable excuses to avoid drinking. This often results in friends' waking you up in the morning with a tequila, to help you avoid the onset of hangovers. It was such a day yesterday. But without it, we would never have managed to discover just how it is that ufo's work.

    Oh, and now you know what this cat to the left is about. It relies simply on a number of facts and theories:

    Fact 1: Cats always land on their feet.
    Fact 2: A buttered piece of toast always lands buttered side down (this is scientifically backed up by Murphy's Law)

    Therefore strapping a buttered piece of toast to a cat's back, buttered side up, would cause an interesting reaction if this cat-projectile was thrown for example, out of a window. The cat would fall, and level out above the ground, and then start rotating. This is the ultimate energy source. Of course, when the cat dies, you'd have to replace it with a new one. (Or, of course, the option of putting the cat in a box comes to mind, as Schrodinger would have us believe, the cat can therefore not die)

    The question, of course arises, if the toast is necessary. Buttered crackers, for example, would work just as well. It is therefore hypothetically possibly that in mass production you would simply only have to butter the cat.

    Anyway, it is apparent that in order to reach some kind of equilibrium, the cat and toast will not fall. This must be how UFO's stay afloat.

    It's a pleasure.


    Posted by the yak on Thursday, September 14, 2006 at 9:14 AM | Permalink | Comments

    hmm, think of the weapons tech implications.. buttered cats keeping massive weapons stations cheaply and effectively in orbit for 9 lives at a time....

    ...Just like poor Einstein must have felt when someone suddenly said "Great idea Al, we're going to use your idea to blow up a city."

    wow indeed- thats truly brilliant!

    Why not just two pieces of toast (or crackers) buttered-side out, glued back to back? Then you don't have to worry about the cat dying.

    Better yet - tie two cats' corresponding feet together... MUCH more interesting. And - you're NEVER going to run out of cats...

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