Zonked Yak
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I'm The Yak

I, unlike cows, GRUNT, rather than MOO

Yaks have horns, and long shaggy hair. "The word Yak is also used to describe an irritating or disagreeable individual" - Wikipedia


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    Welcome to Zonked Yak where yak is, well, generally zonked. Oh, move your cursor over my balls to make cyber yaklings

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    The ultimate South African blogging scenario. Injokes, aplenty.


    Yaks don't come from South Africa. Only the Himalayan Tahr made it that far (and only through a daring escape and much gorilla warfare tactics have they managed to survive). It is however the country where for legal and tax reasons we had to base our servers. So we have a relationship - we bribe members of parliament to let us keep it there.

    Because of this, we have people on the inside checking out the South African blogosphere. We need the insight into the minds of the local human blogreading population. (That, and mainly, we want to see how many hits everyone else seems to be getting. This is partly an exercise in vanity, after all.)

    The yak wanted to post something insightful, something meaningful, something that would make you laugh, and cry, and change your life. But having come to the conclusion that there are many other people out there who read and visit all these other South African blogs, we have decided to make their day, and pray for their ultimate newsworthy scenario to occur. This is how we imagine their ultimate blog post:

    aquilaonline: I took this picture of this sexy celebrity's vanity plate with my new top of the range digital camera while driving in my new Volvo (while caught in traffic).

    2Oceansvibe: While drinking cocktails on the balcony of a mansion overlooking the atlantic, I snapped this video with my new miniature cellphone-cum-15mm camera-cum-spaceship. Behold as I capture Paris Hilton having sex with the TBG in a restaurant I reviewed yesterday while in Spain, my angels.

    Impersonation failure: INTEL, SCO patent TCP/IP and Ubuntu source, sue ATI, EA. Microsoft responsible somehow. Download open source snippets of stuff we wrote to cure all that here.

    Jo'blog: At a recent (unbelievably successful) mass presentation for all of the world's media we witnessed the best new slash punk metal rock band and ended up in the pit with them! Here are pictures of their tattoos of us, as drawn by us. *Insert random insightful marketing comment here*

    Chumpstyle: Here are some naked pictures of us getting drunk on a golf course with Jessica Alba, Kate Beckinsale, and every Playboy playmate since 1980. Here are the pictures of them hitting a giant bong and then (surprisingly tastefully) vomiting on this funny looking dude.

    Cherryflava: In a mass marketing move Apple, Samsung, Levi's, Glenmorangie and Coca-Cola all combine to produce the ultimate phone/mp3 player/shirt/tasty beverage. Now available in green!

    Apologies for leaving out a vast number of them. And those whose writers have moved to London. You can count yourselves honorary yaks. For today.


    Posted by the yak on Tuesday, September 12, 2006 at 3:14 AM | Permalink | Comments

    Hahaha, dude (Yak), that fucking rocked, D'ave and I actually did laugh out loud.

    Sadly, you're spot on with all of us.

    Much respect...!

    That's not a bad idea Yak - collaboration is always the way forward.

    Nice one. Very appropriate.

    Ok, listen. If I've said it once, then I've said it once: the salami may be dicking around in London for a little bit, but smg is still stuck in SA. So as far as we're concerned, Splattermail is still SA through-and-through.

    If that's ok with you guys, that is.

    The best post I've read in ages, hilarious. So true on all accounts.

    You hurt my feelings, that's not true! I don't play golf.

    Haha, nice one Yak, you hit the nail straight through the wall with that one.

    I would like to apologise to the Salami. Not because he reprimanded us, but because the yak actually reads his blog. Daily. Twice. And clicks on the links.

    Other than that, we really thought an honourary yak award would keep everyone happy!

    Ha! Very good!

    That would be true IF Paris could get close enough to the TBG.

    God he is elusive!

    Good post, Yak!

    Too good!

    Funniest shit I have seen in a looong time... Brilliant post Yak. Love the link dude - a huge honour.

    that's bucking frilliant dude! very cool considering its my first visit!

    do me! do me!

    Brilliant Yak!
    Apparently you're quite a humorous animal too.

    Guys, let's not all give the Yak a big head here or anything. I've been getting wood just reading the comments, and they're not even about me.

    But I do concur: good post. And an honourary Yak does keep us happy.

    Classic dude :-)

    If the Yak actually has a big head, I'd fekkin' date him...

    We like a little stick poking round these parts, 'specially poking so artfully done!

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